Giovella Santino is widely heralded as the 'Wax Specialist of Hollywood'. Her famous client roster includes such starlets as Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Jenna Jameson, Keren Erdberg and Kelly Clarkson. Moss and Chewy have been her two sole male clients for almost a decade, so we thought her perspective on the election, the candidates and body hair in general would be compelling for our voters.MossOrChewy: Giovella, how long have you known the candidates?
Giovella: Please, call me Gio.
MossOrChewy: Sorry, Gio ... when did you first meet Moss?
Giovella: Well, I've known Moss since he was in high school. He came to me when he was in tenth grade, when his hair looked like it housed a small family of birds. It was quite matted, and came to the middle of his back. He loved that hair, but after it started getting tangled in his back hair, he finally agreed to let someone cut it. From there, we started waxing most of his body.
Moss, as a hairy high-schoolerMossOrChewy: What do you mean, "most of his body"?
Giovella: Well, we tried the Brazilian wax once or twice, but he's a little tender down there. Frankly, he cried worse than Lindsey Lohan. Now we pretty much stick to his ritual of chest and arm waxing.
MossOrChewy: And when did you meet Chewy?
Giovella: Chewy was actually brought to me when he was a cub, er, I mean baby. Not a lot of people know this, but Chewy has a condition called Hypertrichosis. Most people know it as 'Werewolf Syndrome'. It's a very rare genetic condition that only one out of 10 billion people have. So even as a baby, he had excessive hair growth over both the body and face.
MossOrChewy: Wow, we had no idea! I mean, we know he was always hairy, but that's news to us!
Giovella: He talks freely about it if you ask. But anyway, we started on a very experimental wax when he was around nine or ten. And it has worked great! His arms and chest only need waxing once per month. He then gets a full-body wax once per year. And I mean FULL-BODY. From his anus to his eyelids, everything gets waxed.
MossOrChewy: So, basically they each have their monthly chest and arm waxes in your office?
Giovella: Exactly.
MossOrChewy: And what products do you typically use?
Giovella: Well, Moss prefers a lot of fragrance with his wax. But when he is home maintaining, he loves the feminine products like Epilady and Nair.
MossOrChewy: And Chewy?
Giovella: Chewy's products are extremely experimental and volatile. I don't even want to mention the names, because people can get hurt. He uses the kind of stuff that can melt paint off a car.
MossOrChewy: Well, thanks for your time ... we know you have a lot of hair to remove. But before you go, can you tell us which candidate you're supporting?
Giovella: I still haven't decided. It's an important decision that I'm not taking lightly. But, I will tell you that my pillow doesn't have feathers in it ... it has the remains of Chewy's hair since he was a wolf cub. I love ridiculously hairy men ... they are so sexy. It allows me to act like the Picasso I want to be. That might tell you where I'm leaning.
MossOrChewy: Wow, so does it make you feel badly that Chewy sometimes denies his hair treatment in public? (see video below)
Giovella: No, not at all. I know his werewolfness is embarassing sometimes. But, I know the sexy truth.
MossOrChewy: Ok, well thank you so much from taking time out of your day. We know your schedule gets kind of hairy. And don't forget to vote on June 13th!
Giovella: Don't worry, I shaved the date into my pubes so I wouldn't forget.
MossOrChewy: That's probably more info than we needed, but thanks for the mental picture.
