Moss Campaign Merrily Rolls On

With each passing day, the Moss or Chewy campaign brings more amazing twists and turns. As Chewy has recently been blasted in the press by Al Sharpton, Jerry Falwell and George Lucas, Moss has his campaign on a roll.

After a short campaign swing in Delray, a city in which Chewy owns more than 80% of the votes, Moss spent Thursday afternoon in South Beach. “The gay community has been a huge support in my life, just like my jockstrap,” said Moss while campaigning at Score, a legendary gay hotspot on Lincoln Road. “It’s important to get out and touch the people, and that’s what I’m doing,” added Moss.

Moss scored big with the Score crowd, as he moved the jubilant tranny party to the Raleigh hotel, for some extracurricular sunbathing (see photo). “I’m proud of my manhood, and these guys are too,” added Moss. Basically, we’re all just proud to be Americans.”

Moss stroking the gay vote in South Beach

The next stop for Moss is rumored to be Cancun, Mexico, where he will flip sides and try to corral the underage spring break vote.

George Lucas Contemplates Lawsuit Against Chewy

With the election in full swing, candidate Jason “Chewy” Cohen may find himself needing to make a stop at the local courthouse. Producer George Lucas has stated publicly that he resents Cohen’s consistent utilization of Chewbacca, a character developed in Lucas’s “Star Wars.”
“Due to the stringent international property laws in our country, this could certainly end up in front of a judge,” comments attorney Sean Collin.

In 1992, rapper Luther Campbell and Lucas were involved in a similar type of litigation over Campbell’s use of the name “Luke Skywalker.” As a result, Campbell and Lucas were able to settle out of court with terms that remain private.

Due to its political implications, this particular lawsuit may become much more complicated. “I’ve met Jason Cohen” Lucas recently said publicly, “I believe that he has none of the characteristics of Chewbacca. He reminds me more of a short-circuited C-3PO. He’s much more Android than Wookie.”

Wookie or not, with a heated election and a lawsuit happening simultaneously, for Jason “Chewy” Cohen things certainly may be ‘getting hairy’.