But what does this bit of recent history have to do with our immensely important decision to vote either Moss or Chewy? “Everything!” states Jewish expert Shari Rubin of the Posnac Jewish Community Center, “These two have denounced their people, their religion, and the Jewish faith in order to pander for votes!!” Rubin is among a growing and increasingly vocal constituent of voters who demand to know why Moskowitz has shortened his name to simply ‘Moss’ and Jason Cohen refuses to answer to anything but’Chewy’ (the latter candidate has been known to mock people who call him by his legal name with replies such as “there’s no Jason here” or “who’s Jason Cohen?").
It’s an interesting topic to think about as the election nears, but both candidates claim that it is truly a non-issue. Moskowitz and Cohen both assert that their nicknames have been around for a long time before they made the important decision to run-off against each other in this great election. Cohen says he received the name “Chewy” from fraternity brothers who found it difficult to understand his speech early in college; Moskowitz comments that he’s been tweaking with his alter-ego persona “Moss” since his high school years in order to achieve two self-created goals: “to invoke self-confidence and intimidate my competition.”
Some voters simply aren’t buying it. “When election day rolls around I’ll be writing in Steven Speilberg!” states an impassioned Rubin, “He’s my ideal candidate.” But where does this leave the majority of voters who refuse to waste their vote in an electoral event of this magnitude . . . we’ll have to wait and see.
