We Have A Winner!!!

Finally, after a tough election, we have a winner.

With 100% of the precincts reporting, the winner is:

MOSS!

Moss took 43 of 83 votes, winning just under 52% of the votes.

Chewy took home 40 votes, for just over 48%.

When reached after the election, Moss suggested that his last minute publicity pushed him over the edge. "That picture of me at the polls made the difference," explained Moss. "I'm so ripped in that photo, that I practically owned the women's vote."

Chewy didn't take the defeat lightly. "Chewy was robbed," complained the hairy candidate. "The polls closed early. They closed at midnight, and because of the two hour time difference in Delray, some of Chewy's voters were shut out! Chewy supporters party hard in Delray, so the polls should have been open until at least 4am!"

When asked about the controversy, Moss shrugged it off. "Like President Bush himself, I'm proud of my victory. I welcome another election ... but that's for another year. Right now, I'm going to dress like a tranny and enjoy this one."

Best of luck, Moss. You earned it!

It's Voting Time!!!

The candidates have spoken, the pundits have made their cases. It is finally time to vote. Do not forget to post your comments after you vote!

Sorry, only one vote per household every 24 hours ... this election is more high-tech than the State of Florida!

Decision 2007 ... A Look Back

The big moment when we cast our votes is only hours away. It seems like an eternity ago that Moss and Chewy announced their respective candidacies, and oh what a long, strange trip its been. Let’s take a look back at this great campaign.

Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen gave America hope with his ‘Back of the Bus’ speech. After grabbing the country’s attention, Chewy began a campaign which was filled with energy, yet destined to be mired in controversy. He alienated African-Americans, offended the religious right, and went out of his way to insult abused children. Yet despite all of his failures, Cohen was able to impassion his own supporters to a near feverish level. Love him or hate him, Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen always made an impression.

Moss, the other candidate ran a much quieter campaign. His campaign lacked the high highs or the low lows of ‘Chewy’ Cohen’s, and attempted to highlight the candidate’s life experience and prior personal success. He was plagued by his own weight issues and questions about his physical health. In addition to this, his Mercedes Benz and his lush property in Boca Raton may have alienated the proletariat. Yet through it all, his competence has rarely been called into question.

So there you have it. . . campaign 2007.

Will Chewy’s inspired and passionate supporters go out to the polling centers and clamor for change?
Or will slow and steady win the race as voters cast their vote for Moskowitz and the status quo?

All that's left for us to do is to cast our votes, so be sure to come back to this site to vote anytime on Wednesday.

Chewy's Big Moment: Genius or Madness?

In the history of American politics, a few speeches stand out above the rest. Recently, candidate Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen captured the country’s imagination with a speech that he made early during this campaign. Although it was given in an unconventional setting (specifically the rear cargo area of an S.U.V.), Cohen’s “Back of the Bus” speech has been placed in the same category as John F Kennedy’s “Ask not what your country can do for you” speech and F.D.R.’s “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” The speech was able to inspire millions and catapulted Cohen onto the national scene. Whether or not it will stand the test of time remains to be seen. However, the fact that Chewy’s “Back of the Bus” speech is a work of oratorical brilliance can not be argued . . . . OR CAN IT??

.

One voter says that she ‘simply doesn’t get it.’ The woman’s name is Jaime Comer and she says that not only does the speech fail to inspire her, but it actually frightens her.

“First he’s yelling about his magical tongue and sticking his tongue out to the camera.” comments Comer. “Then he begins to repeat himself over and over again with rapid-fire speed. I’ve never really been sure what he is even talking about. I mean, I don’t actually see a bus anywhere! Meanwhile, it’s the middle of the day and he’s acting drunk. And let us not forget that he’s wearing Mardis Gras beads and he’s clearly not in New Orleans. I know that millions of Americans were moved by the speech, but I simply don’t understand why. In my personal opinion, he seems to be acting like a madman. I mean, am I wrong? Am I the crazy one here?” . . . Most voters, even supporters of Moss, after witnessing such a powerful speech would say ‘Yes Jaime, you are the crazy one.’

But Comer’s non-sensible commentary does help to illustrate one point: As June 13th rapidly approaches Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen is becoming more and more of a polarizing figure. This woman’s view helps prove that even in his greatest of moments, Cohen has some retractors.

An Interview with the Candidates

While on a recent campaign swing through Los Angeles, our beat reporter, Donnie Grossman, was able to interview both candidates. Here is the transcript:

Donnie: Wow, thank you both for this rare opportunity. How do you each feel the campaign is going so far?

Moss: Well, I’m confident, but not cocky. Although, I am cock diesel! In case you don’t know … that means you better bring tape, because I’m ripped under this shirt.

Chewy: Chewy knows the campaign is going well, that’s because Chewy knows he’s going to win like 80% of the vote, and Chewy always wins everything, because Chewy is all things Chewy.

Donnie: Wait, Chewy … you are Chewy.

Chewy: Yeah, Chewy knows that.

Donnie: But why are you talking about yourself in the third person?

Chewy: Chewy is as Chewy does.

Chewy preparing for our interview by drinking Red Bull

Donnie: So, Chewy ... if there were 100 votes, and you won 80% of them, how many votes would you have.

Chewy: That's easy ... Chewy would have 75 votes.

Donnie: Uh, ok. Why haven’t we seen you two in an official debate?

Chewy: Chewy doesn’t need to masterdebate. Chewy gets chicks left and right. Don’t you know Chewy is the mayor of Delray? Chewy doesn’t need to masterdebate.

Moss: If the fans want a debate, I’m open for it. It’s no mystery that I can masterdebate better than anyone. I’d kick Chewy’s ass in a masterdebate like back pain kicks my ass.

Donnie: OK, since we’re not having a debate anytime soon, I have some questions . Moss, let’s say you go to a party, get drunk, and puke all over the floor. What is the socially acceptable follow up behavior?

Moss: That’s easy … You make Chewy lick it up.

Chewy: Very funny. Chewy only licks up his own puke.

Donnie: Chewy, this one is for you: If your life story could be told in rap form, how would it go?

Chewy: (In his best Eminem speed rap) His name is Chewy and he’s the best because he don’t take a rest. He’s the mayor of this town and he won’t go down. Chewy may not be smart but he’s smarter than Moss because Moss is a dummy.

Moss: What? That’s the worst rap I’ve ever heard. Mine would be too explicit for this interview. There would be naked chicks dancing everywhere in my video, and they’d all have chests that look Flat-T like a 12-year old boy. And Henry Rollins would be screaming in the background the whole time. And he'd be SHREDDED!

Donnie: Chewy, what was the most socially relevant 80s glam rock band, and how did they affect your childhood psychological development?

Chewy: What does relevant mean?

Donnie: Forget it. Moss, same question.

Moss: Without a doubt, Poison has been the most socially relevant band of our time. Think Wyld Stallions in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure … they have changed the world. That’s why I sing Every Rose Has Its Thorn everywhere I go, and that’s why I’ve seen them in concert more than 160 times.

Donnie: Is that why you grew your hair down to your ass in high school?

Moss: Absolutely. Bret Michaels is a god amongst men, and if he were here right now, I’d drool like Chewy at a Star Wars convention. And if he were here, he’d buy tickets to the show.

Donnie: What show?

Moss: THE GUN SHOW, BABY!

Moss showing his young guns in 11th Grade

Donnie: Yeah, nice guns. OK, last question for each of you. Tell the voters something about you that nobody would know. Chewy, you first …

Chewy: Chewy was once body slammed over a ledge at a bar, and he landed in a lake.

Donnie: OK, but that’s not quite what I was thinking. Moss, how about you?

Moss: If there’s grass on the field … I play ball.

Donnie: That’s just gross. Thank you both for your time.

Pincus and Moss Rule J-Date!!!

It’s official, Jason Pincus, former campaign manager of Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen, has switched camps. It has been confirmed that the photo seen below was taken in Cancun, Mexico over Memorial Day weekend during a planned event for Jewish singles.

What were these two doing together you ask?? Well, apparently they were ‘ruling J-Date’ together. And with the June 13th election so close we must also assume that they squeezed in some time to campaign for votes from unmarried Jews residing all over the country.

The news of the switch was confirmed yesterday by Pincus himself: “My experience places Moskowitz in an advantageous position,” said Pincus “This is because I know all of Chewy’s weaknesses . . . unfortunately for Chewy I have yet to find any of his strenghths.”. . . . OUCH!!!

This barb from Pincus will no doubt send shock waves thru the Chewy camp which, from the beginning, was depending on Pincus for campaign leadership and celebrity endorsements.Pincus was fired by Jason 'Chewy' Cohen two weeks ago after a string of negative publicity plummeted Cohen's numbers in the polls.

Voters Must Have Courage To Take A Stand: By M. Bayon

The following commentary was submitted by esteemed political commentator Mao Bayon. Mr. Bayon has been published quarterly in The Economist, and is often featured in the Calle Hora, the Colombian equivalent of The Wall Street Journal.

With our country in the shape that it is in today, I feel the need to say a few words regarding the importance of this election. As a political commentator and a politically active American citizen, I have followed this election from the very beginning. I feel that, although so much is at stake here, voters are not willing to take their responsibilities seriously.

I could be completely wrong in my presumptions, but my gut tells me that I must speak out. I am constantly hearing naive voters make whiny, ignorant comments like “What are we voting for?” or “I don’t completely understand.” or my personal favorite “What are they running for?” Hearing comments like these makes my Latino blood boil. I just want to go ‘School Ties’ on their ass and, like Brandon Fraser, yell “COWARDS!!!!” on the top of my lungs.

This is the exact same attitude that allowed George W. Bush to run our country into the ground for eight straight years.

Bayon beleives these two people are cowards.

These voters are taking the ‘head in the sand’ approach and just assuming that everything will turn out alright.

Well that’s not how it works in the real world!!! It’s time for the voters to stop being ignorant and start getting involved. TAKE A STAND ON JUNE 13TH! But remember that a lot is at stake here and this is NOT a popularity contest.

Adios mis amigos.

Anonymous Source Declares "Chewy Eats Cats!"

A new source who refuses to identify himself is making shocking allegations to reporters concerning candidate Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen. The man, who claims to live in the same building as Cohen, says that local cats have been disappearing ever since Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen’s arrival two years ago. The man says that it’s “common knowledge of people around the neighborhood” that Cohen has been catching these cats and eating them. The source even goes so far as to say that he himself has witnessed Cohen "cough up a hair-ball".

Chewy's loaf of bread, or a photoshop trick? The votes will decide!

“These allegations are certain to made a lot of headlines, but with the election so close and the claims so extraordinary, I have to assume that this is simply a case of a heated election reaching a new low point” says political commentator Mauricio Bayon. “I found it easy to believe that Moss is a pervert but after hearing this new anonymous claim, I’m beginning to question even that. Until these so called sources start to identify themselves, I believe their comments should be restricted to the tabloids, and ignored by all respectable newspapers and blog-sites.”

According to noted animal rights activist, Randi Pritchard, "If these accusations are somehow proven to be true, it would be the first documented case of ‘coprophagia’ in the country since 2004." ‘Coprophagia’ is defined as the consumption of domestic pets as a food source.

Candidate Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen got some laughs yesterday at a press conference when he responded to a reporter who asked about the new anonymous claims. “Chewy said he was Chewy, not Alf,” said Cohen, making reference to NBC’s beloved extra-terrestrial sitcom character who enjoyed eating cats.

Anonymous Source Declares "Moss is a Pervert!"

A female source, who declined to identify herself, has contacted reporters concerning Moss, a candidate in the upcoming election. The unidentified woman claims that she met Moskowitz on the internet and went on two dates with him. She also cited countless phone conversations with the candidate. The woman describes Moskowitz as having behaved strangely during their brief acquaintanceship and says that he made her feel uncomfortable during their phone conversations.


“On the phone he kept asking me about my nail polish and the style of manicure which I usually prefer,” stated the woman “Then when we met he insisted that I tell him the name of the designer of the shoes which I was wearing. Our second date was uneventful, except that instead of trying to kiss me, he ACTUALLY asked me if I would shave his chest. After that I knew that it was time to ‘run for the hills.’”



A spokesman for Moskowitz would not comment on the unidentified woman except to state that he believed the entire story to be fabricated. In a close election such as this one, it’s easy to wonder what effect a story like this one, true or not, will have on voters.

Chewy Strikes Again With More Personal Attacks

As June 13th nears, tensions between the two candidates are geting hotter and hotter. During an interview on Tuesday a reporter asked candidate Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen if he believed that Moss would ‘carry’ the state of Florida, as predicted by the polls. Cohen’s reply drew chuckles from his audeience: “With Moss’s bad back, I don’t believe that he should be carrying anything.”

This comment refers to the procedure that Moss underwent 13 months ago, specifically a lumbar spinal fusion. It also is a thinly veiled warning to voters that Moss may not, if elected, be up to the physical challenge.

Moss, prior to his surgery

"Chewy is obviously in terrific shape" sayspersonal trainer and fitness fanatic Danny Comer "a comment like this makes voters take notice of how much better Cohen's body is than that of Moss."

Chewy in More Hot Water

The bad publicity continues for candidate Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen as a tape has emerged of him ridiculing abused children. Cohen was the keynote speaker at a ‘Kids in Distress’ event. The event raised over $50,000 for children in Florida who are victims of physical abuse and neglect.

You can watch the video below of a hyper-active Jason ‘Chewy’ Cohen commenting on the event which he is about to emcee:

This certainly does not look good for Chewy, and Moskowitz wasted no time at jumping at the opportunity. “Although I was never physically abused, I myself was a ‘kid in distress’ for many, many years. I was fat with pimples and, until Craig Davis, nobody liked me.” Since the tape has emerged, Moss has also questioned Chewy’s integrity and his sense of compassion.

Chewy recently fired campaign manager Jason Pincus after a string a negative publicity. However, things do not seem to be improving for this candidate whose mouth appears to, at times, outrace his brain.

Chewy Fires Campaign Manager

Amid maelstroms of recent trouble during a closely fought campaign, where every vote is precious, candidate Jason “Chewy” Cohen is starting to clean house. Reports that he has recently fired campaign manager Jason Pincus have been confirmed by Cohen himself.

“The election is right around the corner and lately I’ve been getting publicity for all the wrong reasons. The people need to get to know the real Jason “Chewy” Cohen so that they will make the right choice: the “Chewy” choice!”

Before entering into politics, Pincus was best known for hob-knobbing with Hollywood’s elite. He’s been credited with aiding the success of many stars, including actors Freddie Prince Jr. and Misha Barton, and also singers Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

Cohen’s poll numbers plummeted after Jerry Falwell questioned his moral values, and the Rev. Al Sharpton questioned his judgment regarding racial issues. Cohen also faces the possiblity of a legal battle with George Lucas. No replacement for Pincus has yet been named.

The decision to fire Pincus comes at a curious time, as the former campaign manager was in the midst of a media blitz throughout the west coast. In fact, Pincus had been making serious in-roads with Hollywood A-Listers like Jay Leno and Pamela Anderson.

Pincus had also been making noise in the sports arena, with celebs Ronde Barber, John Elway and more. There's no telling where this leaves Chewy's campaign, and what impact it will have on the race.

"I've been around Hollywood for a long while," said Pincus. "I know a few candidates who need help. You never know when the other side will come calling, so I'm not hurting for a job."

Is it possible that Pincus could bat from both sides of the plate? Could it be true that he'll be a switch hitter and join Moss' team? Only time will tell, but Moss is no stranger to the Hollywood vote.

In fact, Moss was spotted on a recent campaign trip with Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst. "Spending this week with Moss was better than my fling with Britney Spears," said Durst. "That kid parties like a rock star, pumps iron like that Lou Ferrigno guy ... and have you seen that phat car he drives?"

When asked about Chewy's accusations regarding Moss' supposed lease, Durst added, "No friggin' way that dude leases that ride. He gets mad hoes."

Chewy Declares: "Moss's Mercedes is a Lease!"

With election day right around the corner, we should prepare ourselves for some serious mudslinging. Jason “Chewy” Cohen fired the first shot yesterday with his some comments concerning Moss’s personal finances.

“He can’t afford that car,” commented Chewy during a campaign rally in Pensacola, Florida. “You want to know why I’m here in the great state of Pensacola and he’s not?” continued Cohen to a laughing crowd, “It’s because he’s over the allotted miles on his leased Mercedes! It costs him money every time he drives the thing because he’s irresponsible with his miles. . . Is this really who people want to elect?”

We attempted to contact Prestige Motors in Boca Raton to confirm this accusation. Unfortunately our calls were not returned.

“If Chewy’s accusation is confirmed, it could have implications on June 13th” says political commentator Mauricio Bayon. “Some people would have a difficult time voting for a candidate who they don’t trust to balance the budget. If Moskowitz isn’t responsible enough to budget the miles on his automobile, why would voters trust him with bigger, more complex issues?”

Red Bull Gives Chewy (and his campaign) Wings!

Like a man shot out of a cannon, Chewy has been hitting the campaign trail armed with energy and optimism which is no doubt contagious. Most candidates, including Moss, traditionally travel the country by airplane in order to hit the most densely populated cities in the least amount of time. Chewy has taken a different approach:

“My bus tour is rolling. As you know, I call it my ‘back of the bus’ tour. I’m not just going to big towns. I’m stopping in lots of towns. I’m coming to your town. Every town is important to Chewy,” commented candidate Jason Cohen, barely taking a breath or breaking his stride.

Moskowitz would be wise to take note of this self-proclaimed ‘hero to the people.’ For Chewy the battle is on to defend his tour, already under the gun by Reverend Al Sharpton and more. Moss’s private plane, on the other hand, is still idled on the runway.

How effective can this tour be? Watch for yourself as Chewy electrifies a Delray Beach crowd during one of his recent campaign rallies/charity events.

Oprah Throws Her Weight Behind Moss

On her much acclaimed Memorial Day show, Oprah Winfrey left no doubt as to which candidate she’ll be voting for on the June 13^th election.

As to why it will be Moskowitz that she’s supporting, Winfrey cited his charity work and the fact that she can empathize with the weight and body issues which Moss faced as a growing boy. “I find ‘Moss’ to be the candidate who is easier for me to relate to,” commented Oprah yesterday during a taped broadcast, “I look at that picture of the fat little white boy in the Boston Red Sox outfit, and all I can see is myself.”

Later in the program, Winfrey mentioned that another thing that she and Moskowitz have in common is bad hair.

Winfrey’s four million daily viewers give her considerable clout in the political arena. Her public support adds even more momentum to the Moskowitz campaign. As has become her custom, Winfrey avoided making any negative statements towards Jason “Chewy” Cohen, a candidate who seems to be drowning in a recent stream of negative publicity. While she refused to make any disparaging comments about Chewy, she did express some surprise at the candidate's surprising response to Al Sharpton's criticism.

Winfrey aired Chewy's videotaped comments in response to the leader's outspoken words regarding Chewy's Back of the Bus Tour. Chewy was unknowingly taped by a Moss supporter on her cell phone camera, and the video was sent to Winfrey's show. Here is the footage:



Chewy's camp has been dealt another questionable bout of negative PR, but he still remains hopeful for a victory on June 13th. Either way, Oprah's support will go a long way for Moss.

An Interview with Giovella Santino

Giovella Santino is widely heralded as the 'Wax Specialist of Hollywood'. Her famous client roster includes such starlets as Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Jenna Jameson, Keren Erdberg and Kelly Clarkson. Moss and Chewy have been her two sole male clients for almost a decade, so we thought her perspective on the election, the candidates and body hair in general would be compelling for our voters.


MossOrChewy: Giovella, how long have you known the candidates?

Giovella: Please, call me Gio.

MossOrChewy: Sorry, Gio ... when did you first meet Moss?

Giovella: Well, I've known Moss since he was in high school. He came to me when he was in tenth grade, when his hair looked like it housed a small family of birds. It was quite matted, and came to the middle of his back. He loved that hair, but after it started getting tangled in his back hair, he finally agreed to let someone cut it. From there, we started waxing most of his body.

Moss, as a hairy high-schooler

MossOrChewy: What do you mean, "most of his body"?

Giovella: Well, we tried the Brazilian wax once or twice, but he's a little tender down there. Frankly, he cried worse than Lindsey Lohan. Now we pretty much stick to his ritual of chest and arm waxing.

MossOrChewy: And when did you meet Chewy?

Giovella: Chewy was actually brought to me when he was a cub, er, I mean baby. Not a lot of people know this, but Chewy has a condition called Hypertrichosis. Most people know it as 'Werewolf Syndrome'. It's a very rare genetic condition that only one out of 10 billion people have. So even as a baby, he had excessive hair growth over both the body and face.

MossOrChewy: Wow, we had no idea! I mean, we know he was always hairy, but that's news to us!

Giovella: He talks freely about it if you ask. But anyway, we started on a very experimental wax when he was around nine or ten. And it has worked great! His arms and chest only need waxing once per month. He then gets a full-body wax once per year. And I mean FULL-BODY. From his anus to his eyelids, everything gets waxed.

MossOrChewy: So, basically they each have their monthly chest and arm waxes in your office?

Giovella: Exactly.

MossOrChewy: And what products do you typically use?

Giovella: Well, Moss prefers a lot of fragrance with his wax. But when he is home maintaining, he loves the feminine products like Epilady and Nair.

MossOrChewy: And Chewy?

Giovella: Chewy's products are extremely experimental and volatile. I don't even want to mention the names, because people can get hurt. He uses the kind of stuff that can melt paint off a car.

MossOrChewy: Well, thanks for your time ... we know you have a lot of hair to remove. But before you go, can you tell us which candidate you're supporting?

Giovella: I still haven't decided. It's an important decision that I'm not taking lightly. But, I will tell you that my pillow doesn't have feathers in it ... it has the remains of Chewy's hair since he was a wolf cub. I love ridiculously hairy men ... they are so sexy. It allows me to act like the Picasso I want to be. That might tell you where I'm leaning.

MossOrChewy: Wow, so does it make you feel badly that Chewy sometimes denies his hair treatment in public? (see video below)



Giovella: No, not at all. I know his werewolfness is embarassing sometimes. But, I know the sexy truth.

MossOrChewy: Ok, well thank you so much from taking time out of your day. We know your schedule gets kind of hairy. And don't forget to vote on June 13th!

Giovella: Don't worry, I shaved the date into my pubes so I wouldn't forget.

MossOrChewy: That's probably more info than we needed, but thanks for the mental picture.

The Abortion Issue: A Private Investigation

It seems that we have finally found one thing both candidates have in common. Moss and Chewy have both been extremely effective at avoiding taking a stand on abortion. Some commentators believe that they have been politically irresponsible by completely ‘skirting’ this issue.


To be better informed voters, we hired private investigator Sam Rodriguez, an experienced and tenacious reporter whose recent exposes include ‘Trans-Fats In Our Foods’ and ‘The Hidden Life of Jeffrey Lefkowitz.’

To find out how each candidate truly feels about abortion, Rodriguez decided to question former girlfriends of Moss and Chewy. How did the investigation go? Unfortunately, not very well.

“I was given a list of ex-girlfriends for both Moskowitz and Cohen, including a girl named Allison who apparently dated them both” described Rodriguez of his search, “On every single name my search came up empty. I can tell you with 100% certainty that every one of these girls either A) changed her identity or B)never actually existed.”

We were disappointed by the results of this search and pressed Rodriguez to give us any bit of information which he uncovered: “I didn’t learn much but I can tell you this," stated Rodriguez " The parents of both candidates are strongly for abortion.”

Moss Campaign Merrily Rolls On

With each passing day, the Moss or Chewy campaign brings more amazing twists and turns. As Chewy has recently been blasted in the press by Al Sharpton, Jerry Falwell and George Lucas, Moss has his campaign on a roll.

After a short campaign swing in Delray, a city in which Chewy owns more than 80% of the votes, Moss spent Thursday afternoon in South Beach. “The gay community has been a huge support in my life, just like my jockstrap,” said Moss while campaigning at Score, a legendary gay hotspot on Lincoln Road. “It’s important to get out and touch the people, and that’s what I’m doing,” added Moss.

Moss scored big with the Score crowd, as he moved the jubilant tranny party to the Raleigh hotel, for some extracurricular sunbathing (see photo). “I’m proud of my manhood, and these guys are too,” added Moss. Basically, we’re all just proud to be Americans.”

Moss stroking the gay vote in South Beach

The next stop for Moss is rumored to be Cancun, Mexico, where he will flip sides and try to corral the underage spring break vote.

George Lucas Contemplates Lawsuit Against Chewy

With the election in full swing, candidate Jason “Chewy” Cohen may find himself needing to make a stop at the local courthouse. Producer George Lucas has stated publicly that he resents Cohen’s consistent utilization of Chewbacca, a character developed in Lucas’s “Star Wars.”
“Due to the stringent international property laws in our country, this could certainly end up in front of a judge,” comments attorney Sean Collin.

In 1992, rapper Luther Campbell and Lucas were involved in a similar type of litigation over Campbell’s use of the name “Luke Skywalker.” As a result, Campbell and Lucas were able to settle out of court with terms that remain private.

Due to its political implications, this particular lawsuit may become much more complicated. “I’ve met Jason Cohen” Lucas recently said publicly, “I believe that he has none of the characteristics of Chewbacca. He reminds me more of a short-circuited C-3PO. He’s much more Android than Wookie.”

Wookie or not, with a heated election and a lawsuit happening simultaneously, for Jason “Chewy” Cohen things certainly may be ‘getting hairy’.

Rev. Al Sharpton: "Chewy is a Racist"

Yesterday on his radio show, the Reverend Al Sharpton spoke out against candidate Jason “Chewy” Cohen. More specifically, Sharpton takes issue with the fact that Chewy and his supporters are referring to the candidate’s nationwide bus campaign as the “back of the bus” tour.
The phrase ‘back of the bus’ is recognizable in one and only one context here in this country!” raved an impassioned Sharpton, “The phrase connotates second class citizenship for African Americans of generations past. Futhermore, the fact that this man is throwing these words around as if they are some cute little campaign slogan proves to me that Chewy is ignorant!”

Later during his radio program, Sharpton joked that he believed Michael Richards and Don Imus would both vote for Chewy. He also quipped that Mel Gibson would probably refrain from voting for either candidate.